If...

When asked what your dream holiday location is you reply 'Rivendel'.

You question the accuracy of the lyrics of Led Zeppelin's 'Ramble On' and in particular, why the hell would a 'fair maiden' be in Mordor?

You can tell your mates more about Dragons or Curassiers than about the latest cars.

You drink seventeen pints, down a curry and still win your games in the 'Nationals'.

When given the ultimatum by a girlfriend, 'It's me or those bloody games!' you enquire whether she has any idea what your toys are worth?

When you ask the 'ex' if you can call around to collect the army lists and dice you left at her home after answering incorrectly to the above.

You leave Lloyd's house befuddled, £500 lighter and clutching an Andalusian Shepherd's Rebellion army.

You can sing along to more than 10 'Rush' or 'Marillion' songs, or own any 'Yes' albums.

You calculate a night out with the wife/girlfriend/sheep in terms of the figures it could have bought.

You have more dice than pound coins in your pocket.

You have friends who still dress as if it's 1984 - in fact if you yourself do.

You don't even so much as blush when accused of playing with 'little lead dollies'.

You can recite the contents of the entire Hinchcliffe or Citadel Miniatures catalogue for any given year verbatim.

You have more imaginary friends than real ones.

You have more figures than imaginary friends.

The owners of figure companies ask you to tell THEM what's in their range.

You give a toss, about the number of rivets on a 1/300th scale tank.

You believe that feeding the ego is just as important as feeding the starving masses of the Third World.

Your wife leaves you and the first thing you do is check that she didn't take any games with her.

You have more miniature catalogues than porno mags at the side of the bed (over 18's only).

You can sit on a busy train openly reading a wargames magazine.

You are openly mocked by train or bus spotters in W.H Smith

You found your 'ex' 'in flagrante' with a stranger in your domicile, and remarked 'I don't mind, but please don't mess around with my figures (this actually happened but the victim was less polite)